I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
