this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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