you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
