Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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