He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
