It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
