so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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