There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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