I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
