there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
