You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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