I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
