Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
