Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
