I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
