sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
