yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
