tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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