so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
