haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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