if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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