Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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