Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
