i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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