What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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