Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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