Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
