So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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