that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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