u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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