if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
