I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
