1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
