Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
