but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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