I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
