Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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