I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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