I got chris browned last night
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
