I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
smell my finger.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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