you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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