I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
