He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
