I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
