Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
