Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
