If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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