I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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