Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
