just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
