Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize