Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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