Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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