so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
