I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm really busy with my period
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