he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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