How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
