Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
