You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
