I wanna bring you to show and tell
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
