Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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