everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
